Funny

You've lost weight.
Yeah, I stopped eating all the foods I like. I'm miserable, but I look really good.
-Sydney Bristow & Eric Weiss
-Alias

Let's take things one step at a time. This is a charge of C4. I can tell because there's 'C4' written all over it.
-Michael Vaughan
-Alias

I just wanted to rip his finger right off. Does that make me a bad person?
No, but it might have blown your cover.
-Sydney Bristow & Michael Vaughan
-Alias

It's a digital camera. I have it at 42 exposures, but I wanna get it to 47 because...it's a prime number.
-Marshall
-Alias

Hi... Welcome ... don't kill me.
-Marshall
-Alias

How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing?
No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth….. No, not the hair! Never the hair!
But there must be someway I can show my appreciation.
No, helping those in need's my job, - and working up a load of sexual tension, and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough!
I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so…
Say no more. Evil's still afoot! And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair-gel that I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!
- Spike
- Angel

Love the coat. It's all about the coat.
- Host
- Angel

So, um, are you still ‘GRR’?
Yeah; there’s not actually a cure for that!
- Cordelia Chase & Angel
- Angel

You lied to us!
I did, I know.
Why?
I figured you'd nag.
- Angel, Cordelia Chase & Wesley Wyndam Price
- Angel

Anything that happens, happens. Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again. It doesn't necessarily happen in chronological order though.
- Douglas Adams
- Mostly Harmless

In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.
- Douglas Adams
- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Don't let the Muggles get you down!"
- Ron Weasley
- J K Rowling
- Harry Potter

Kids! Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your home.
- Terry Pratchett
- Good Omens

You might think there’s an explanation but you’d be wrong.
- Ally McBeal
- Ally McBeal

You only die once
- Ally McBeal
- Ally McBeal

All I ever wanted was to be rich and successful and to have three kids and a husband waiting at home to tickle my feet and look at me…. I don’t even like my hair!
- Ally McBeal
- Ally McBeal

Helping people is never more rewarding than when it’s in your own self interest.
- Richard Fish
- Ally McBeal

I plan to have character one day, great character. But if you want to be rich you better get the money before the scruples set in.
- Richard Fish
- Ally McBeal

It’s not my style to care about others but what’s going on ?
- Richard Fish
- Ally McBeal

Here’s the thing; women as a rule hate pretty women, but women as a rule also sympathise with other women victims because they’re women. It’s like this; women want other women to be destroyed but they don’t want to be the actual destroyers themselves.
- Richard Fish
- Ally McBeal

But I haven’t done anything.
You’re a man, you’re breathing. Under title 7 you’re libel.
- ? & Richard Fish
- Ally McBeal

It drove me to the conclusion that man, as a species, is not suitable for long term partnership.
- Ally McBeal

The who whatting how with huh?
- Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Uhh! Spike lips! Lips of Spike!
- Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Boys bad. Want beer.
- Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide.
- Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Yes, I lied, I'm a bad person, let's move on.
- Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Buffy and cars are unmixy things.
- Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Add it up it all spells ‘duh’.
- Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I'll just jump off that bridge when I come to it.
- Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I thought it was gonna be like in the movies - you know, inspirational music, a montage, me sharpening my pencils, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, cause, in my montage I have glasses.
- Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I'm not evil again, why does everyone think that? I haven't been evil for a long time!
- Angel
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

It's like talking to a wall. Only you get more from a wall.
- Angel
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

She hasn’t been sleeping, tossing and turning…………. She told me!
- Angel
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

And you’ve got, you know; a million reasons to live……. I bet!
- Angel
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

You won! All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do! That's what Caesar did, he's not going around saying "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it"! The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, you massacred them, end of story!
- Spike
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Is everyone here very stoned?
- Spike
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Oh somebody put a stake in me!
- Spike
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Pacey, you blind idiot, can't you see she doesn't love you?
- Spike
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I've Googled 'til I just can't Google no more.
-Willow Rosenberg
-Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?
- Willow Rosenberg
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Haven't we Deja- ed this Vu before?
- Willow Rosenberg
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I knew it, I knew it! Well, not in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn’t know.
- Willow Rosenberg
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I have my pride, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough to not do that.
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Okay, so far, so creepy.
-Xander Harris
-Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I need a volunteer to hit Wesley.
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

To read makes our speaking English good
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

How is Angel? Pretend I care.
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Very suave, very not pathetic.
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

You gave it a girl's name! How very serial killer of you.
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Something weird is going on. Isn't that our school motto?
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Those who can, do. Those who can't, laugh at those who, can do.
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Can I be blind too?
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

She's cool, she's hot, she's tepid, she's all- temperature Buffy!
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Hey, you're not the Watcher of me.
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Beautiful girl with no other thought but to please you, willing to do anything... …Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but . . . he'd get it.
- Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I'm gonna be in therapy till I'm thirty.
- Cordelia Chase
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Okay. Overidentify much?
- Cordelia Chase
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I came over here to tell Buffy to stop this craziness and found you all unconscious... again. How many times have you been knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma.
- Cordelia Chase
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
-Dawn Summers
-Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I mean, does anyone ever ask me what I want to do with my life? Or what my opinion is on stuff? Or what restaurant to order from? No- underline, exclamation point………. Exclamation point, exclamation point.
- Dawn Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

What the hell is that? And why is its hair that color?
- Glory
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked. I mean, really!
- BuffyBot
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

It's Spike! And he's wearing ‘the coat’!
- BuffyBot
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Faith, a word of advice; you're an idiot.
- Gwendolyn Post
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

You’re strange and off- putting; go now!
- Dracula
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Oh, how I hate this, let me count the ways.
- Amy
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

So. What'd you do last night?
Nothin'.
Nothing at all. You ceased to exist?
- Buffy Summers & Angel
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I wasn’t gonna use violence. I don’t always use violence…… do I?
The important thing is you believe that.
- Buffy Summers & Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Have I ever let you down?
Should I answer that or just glare?
- Buffy Summers & Rupert Giles
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Have you Googled her yet?
Willow, she's 17!
It's a search engine.
-Willow & Xander Harris
-Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Oh, the spiders! Willow's been kind of, um, what's the word I'm looking for? Insane about what happened yesterday.
I don't like spiders, okay? Their furry bodies, and their sticky webs, and what do they need all those legs for anyway? I'll tell you: for crawling across your face in the middle of the night. Ewww! How do they not ruffle you?
- Xander Harris & Willow Rosenberg
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

The loneliness, the constant exile, she's...she has gone mad!
Ya think?
- Rupert Giles & Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before.
Maybe you were nervous.
I felt all right when I started. Let's try again.(He tries, but he can't do it.)
Damn it!
Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
Not to me, it doesn't!
It's me, isn't it?
What are you talking about?
Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. You didn't want to bite me, I just happened to be around.
Piffle.
I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, 'Oh, you're like a sister to me,' or, 'Oh, you're such a good friend.'
Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.
Really?
Thought about it.
When?
Remember last year? You had on that fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath.
I never would have guessed. You played the bloodlust kinda cool.
Mmmm. I hate being obvious. Being all fangy and 'Rrrr.' Takes the mystery out.
But if you could...
If I could, yeah.
You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying.
Don't patronize me! I'm only a hundred and twenty- six!
You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or...
- Spike & Willow Rosenberg
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

What are you doing?
My boyfriend. Go away.
- Dawn & Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

We few, we happy few...
...we band of buggered.
- Rupert Giles & Spike
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Xander. You haven't been paying any attention to me, tonight. Just peddling those process food bars. I don't know why.
Well, let me put it in a way you'll understand. Sell bars. Make money. Take Anya nice places. Buy pretty things.
That does make sense. All right, I support you. Go sell more.
- Anya Emerson & Xander Harris
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

It made you look like a streetwalker.
Yeah, but a thin streetwalker.
- Joyce & Buffy Summers
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

So, just this one time, you did something kinda crazy...
It wasn't one time. It was lots of times. And lots of different ways. I could make sketches!
- Willow Rosenberg & BuffyBot
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Buffy, there is something seriously wrong here! I ... Okay, yeah, you've been with a vampire before, but Angel had a soul.
Angel's lame. His hair grows straight up, and he's bloody stupid.
- Willow Rosenberg & BuffyBot
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Uh, yes, but... The Order of Taraka, I mean... isn't that overkill?
No, I think it's just enough kill.
- Dalton & Spike
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Have you heard? They call him "William the Bloody" because of his bloody awful poetry.
It suits him. I'd rather have a railroad spike through my head than listen to that awful stuff!
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I foresee strangeness on the horizon.
-Jennifer Lindley
-Dawson’s Creek

And I woulda remembered that if I had actually listened when you talked.
- Pacey Witter
- Dawson’s Creek

Hello Katerina. Make anybody cry today?
Sadly no, but it’s only 4.30!
- Walter & Katerina
- 10 Things I Hate About You

Someday you’re gonna get bitch slapped and I’m not gonna do a thing to stop it.
- 10 Things I Hate About You

Has the fact that you’re completely psycho managed to escape your attention?
- Bianca Stratford
- 10 Things I Hate About You

But why is the rum gone?
- Jack Sparrow
Pirates Of The Carribean

Savvy?
- Jack Sparrow
Pirates Of The Carribean

Me, I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you have to watch out for, because you never know when he's going to turn around and do something incredibly stupid!
-Jack Sparrow
-Pirates Of The Caribbean

This is either madness or brilliant.
It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide.
-Will & Jack
-Pirates Of The Caribbean

Watch out for the weirdo’s girls.
We are the weirdo’s mister.
- The Craft

Excuse much! Rude, or anything?
- Buffy Summer
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer: The Movie

It's what you like that counts, not what you are like. Books, records, films - these things matter.
-Rob
-High Fidelity

The blonde leading the blonde.
- Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion

Could somebody get her a cupcake or something.
- Sam